Yes, That Is What I Pictured


Going through the closet, I want to look pretty. I want to shine when I go out tomorrow night.

The closet is arranged, ordered in a way: shirts, skirts, pants, sweaters, suits. I toss in bed imagining which shoes, which jewelry to select.

Slipping into another world, I move through the fabrics, feel them against my skin. Bare legs or tights? Sleeveless, deep plunge, keyhole cutout, mini or maxi?

My closet is a secret space: cream and beige, soft textures, gray, sometimes black; private — hiding weaknesses, vulnerabilities, identities from the past. A place where a look is created, a story is crafted, visibility is masked.

I try on necklaces, shoes in my mind, waist-length pearls, show off a lacquered pedicure in peep-toe heels. I clutch the little black dress I will wear until I die.


I see the stars approaching as I contemplate my choices, vacillate in abstraction between the volume and the void… I smile.

I am awake.

And I write myself with purpose in the city of Milan, wearing high-top sneakers with holes in my stockings, and a wild-patterned dress with a blue metallic bag that doesn’t match a thing.




40 thoughts on “Yes, That Is What I Pictured

  1. It sounds like you enjoy your clothes, imagination, and personas. Have fun Kelly!

  2. Isn’t it wonderful how we can paint ourselves with our moods and fancies. Creativity, fun, and the freedom to play with identity shouldn’t be limited to our heads and words. Lovely post, Kelly.

    • Thank you, Diana! Freedom was at the heart of this. And a bit of satire regarding the trappings of fashion.
      I agree with you, I think being creative and fun with identities is much more interesting. 🙂

  3. Interesting the things people think about. Ladies enjoy the dressing up, the hair, the shoes in a higher percentage than some men hence the higher percentage of retailers that appeal to the fair sex.

    • Hi David! Oh yes, that is so true! And not really fair. There is so much money made off of vanity, isn’t there?
      But I think almost all choices we make mark our individuality in messages of all kinds, no matter what we consume, in addition to things related to appearance. There are undoubtedly many opinions on that topic! 🙂

  4. Learning to stay true to yourself and being comfortable in your own”skin” is very freeing. (Still learning)
    Nice piece. Love the blue sparkle 😁

    • Hey Audra! It was a gold purse at first and I changed it to blue at the last minute! You know, that female prerogative thing and all!
      Yeah… about that “skin.” I think mine is quite worn out from being chameleon-like for too long. Pleasing myself with nothing to prove sounds good to me. White shoes after Labor Day? You with me?! Ha ha! 🙂

  5. love what makes our identities ` we can be whoever we want to be, nice

  6. I’m not much for fashion, but I do like that purse!

  7. That was really poetic, Kelly. Your closet as a space to craft your story, masks visibility. Wonderful imagery. Welcome back, have been missing you.

  8. Opening the closet and diving into a different world. Thank you for making us part of your excitement and love for all those beautiful things.

  9. Sorry I tried commenting earlier and it wouldn’t let me.

    Closet worlds and fashion style is making us feel comfortable within our skin. Love it. 🙂

  10. That’s what I love about writing, the creation of freedoms that we sometimes don’t enjoy in life. To be mismatched, if we choose. To be different to the point of looking borderline strange.
    If only we could have those same freedoms in life.
    Such is our goal..:)
    Nice job, Kelly.

    • Hi George! Yeah, such is the goal! I’m happy that you caught that I said “I write myself” at the end of this piece. (Or at least I assume you did based on your comment!)
      Finding freedom in writing or creating freedom, like you said, is a big reason why I enjoy writing so much, as you do.
      It lets me escape from the roles I play and responsibilities of real life. In fact, I need to do it even more and learn how to really let go through the creation of characters, something I’m working on and growing into.
      Thanks for the thoughtful comment, George. 🙂

  11. Yeah, it had to be the blue metallic handbag!😀 And mismatching is all the rage (I read). This is such a lovely post, Kelly and I loved reading your drifting thoughts about your closet – oh, I love the idea of a wild-patterned dress!

    • Hi Annika! Glad you liked that! You and Carrie both!
      Closets are interesting places, don’t you think? Especially if you tend to hold on to things forever like I do!
      It can be fun to find something and reminisce about the memories attached to it. In fact, last year around this time, I wrote about finding a pink sweater in my closet that was given to me after my maternal grandmother passed. It reminded me of spring because she wore it in the springtime. I was contacted by a nursing home administrator through LinkedIn who wanted to use the post in a newsletter for the residents because he thought it would warm their hearts! Too funny!
      I like the idea of wild patterns too. I bought the cutest LuLaroe maxi dress at a show recently, in a very bright print. Anxious to wear it if spring ever gets here…
      Thanks for the lovely comment. 🙂

  12. Glad to follow your blog. Nice post

  13. This is wonderful, our closets tell so much about us, our belongings so dear to our hearts. Lovely post Kelly!

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